I am thinking about the last time I started a blog with my first episode of breast cancer. I kept it highly personal - quiet. I thought that would be the best way to enable me to just right my thoughts with no hold backs. I eventually let a few people read about 'me' in that time span. But, I'm not sure of the benefit overall to others after the fact. I think it helped me.
Not sure what I will do this time.
Feeling sore but not too much as seems to be the new norm this early in the morning... just after 5 in the morning. I didn't sleep as long as I had wanted to though I am counting close to 8 hours if I'm right in thinking I was in bed by 8:30. I love my sleep- more so when the pain fades away and I can dream of other things. I am up to the max on advil each day, but with one pill of Tylenol 3 at night. Lyrica helps with the nerve pain alot, but I am feeling what I think is bone pain in my now.
Delays in getting the kyphoplasty. I don't know if it is even going to work. The docs keep saying it will reduce pain and give me back any height lost. But only when I ask do they agree it will also improve the stability in my back... so I can lift things ... lift up my granddaughter and not be afraid.
The delay has meant I have not had the radiation that was intended to occur before the meds. Both would affect my blood cell counts. And meds are delayed until after the kyphoplasty for the same reason - or I could not have the surgery. So meds are delayed for a month at least. I don't know when and how I would have radiation. Today I feel resigned, decisions made and the kyphoplasty will be first in a weeks time. My back is getting sorer and I suspects its my bones. But its not helpful to stay angry now.
Rachel forewarded a picture of Jean and other family at a dining table. Four of her 5 siblings are there and at least 2 nieces. Its an amazing picture taken at Jean's hospice. All are smiling, Jean included sitting at the head of the table. Glasses are raised with everyone smiling and facing the camera. Its so like this family of siblings to enjoy a moment within a eminant lose. But its such a profound memory to have.
Is this in contrast to my fate or something I can aspire to? It is a picture of courage and love. Those are the things I hope to bring into my own experience however it plays out.
Not sure what I will do this time.
Feeling sore but not too much as seems to be the new norm this early in the morning... just after 5 in the morning. I didn't sleep as long as I had wanted to though I am counting close to 8 hours if I'm right in thinking I was in bed by 8:30. I love my sleep- more so when the pain fades away and I can dream of other things. I am up to the max on advil each day, but with one pill of Tylenol 3 at night. Lyrica helps with the nerve pain alot, but I am feeling what I think is bone pain in my now.
Delays in getting the kyphoplasty. I don't know if it is even going to work. The docs keep saying it will reduce pain and give me back any height lost. But only when I ask do they agree it will also improve the stability in my back... so I can lift things ... lift up my granddaughter and not be afraid.
The delay has meant I have not had the radiation that was intended to occur before the meds. Both would affect my blood cell counts. And meds are delayed until after the kyphoplasty for the same reason - or I could not have the surgery. So meds are delayed for a month at least. I don't know when and how I would have radiation. Today I feel resigned, decisions made and the kyphoplasty will be first in a weeks time. My back is getting sorer and I suspects its my bones. But its not helpful to stay angry now.
Rachel forewarded a picture of Jean and other family at a dining table. Four of her 5 siblings are there and at least 2 nieces. Its an amazing picture taken at Jean's hospice. All are smiling, Jean included sitting at the head of the table. Glasses are raised with everyone smiling and facing the camera. Its so like this family of siblings to enjoy a moment within a eminant lose. But its such a profound memory to have.
Is this in contrast to my fate or something I can aspire to? It is a picture of courage and love. Those are the things I hope to bring into my own experience however it plays out.
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